Since I went to OneThing09 I have been living a reformed lifestyle... in the fact that I have been impressed upon by God the importance of living a consecrated life. I have been reformed. No longer is it one foot in the world and one foot in the church... I do have my slip-ups, but that is beside the point and beside the point of what I am wanting to write in here.
Last night at OneVoice, our college and career aged group, I got smacked in the face by the way God SO loves me, and the way that He would have me conduct myself so that I can look more like His Son. For the last few weeks and even months I have been hitting what has felt like a glass ceiling over my head, and I have been confused because I thought that I had been "doing" all the right things... well last night God showed me it's not what I "do" but rather what I let HIM do in my life. How I let Him love me. How I let Him handle my situations (I'm not good enough to handle them anyways). How I let Him draw me to Him, and not be striving and striving to get somewhere WITH God, I'm already there. Please understand me that when I say "already there" I do not mean to say that I have by any means "arrived", but I mean to say that all the things that God wants for me I already have, if I just let Him do what He wants to do in my life... my hands are no longer in control of this vessel.
The coolest thing about this revelation is that it all started with forgiveness. Just as Jesus started me with forgiveness. I was in the midst of worship at OneVocie and I was trying so hard to press in, and for the life of me I couldn't seem to even step one foot into the presence and glory of God. I was just hitting that ceiling over and over and over again, and I was getting so frustrated. As I was standing there attempting to worship God, because I know that's what we're "supposed" to do in church before the message starts, a friend came behind me and put her hand upon my back. Before I could even turn around and see who it was I latched onto her and just hugged with all my heart and might inside of me. I didn't realize who it was, or even why I had just decided to hug this person with everything inside of me, and then she spoke to me jokingly saying that she loved this kind of greeting... and it was like a light bulb exploded over my head, it didn't just light up. It was divine that I turned around to hug this person without even thinking... because if I would have thought about it, I wouldn't have done it. You see for the last 6 months or so I had been dealing with unforgiveness issues towards this person based upon opinions that I had listened to about her from other people. In an instant, before my head could even reason about walking this out, I immediately repented to her and asked for forgiveness... and it was in all honesty one of the most freeing moments I have ever had before in my Christian walk. She had no idea I was harboring these feelings towards her and although it was a secret to her, my heart knew that I had to walk this out. Her words were as graceful and as merciful as I could have longed to hear in that moment when she said "Krystle, I forgive you and I love you." In that instant I got a revelation of something incredible, something much larger than I could have ever imagined or thought of in my natural state. God wanted me to understand something very spiritual here.
She and I parted in restoration, and it was like heaven had opened over my head. Immediately I was experiencing true worship of the God that I serve when in minutes before I couldn't seem to press in to save my life. When things like this happen I always want to learn why and how so that I won't have to walk through the same thing again, so I asked God "why did the heavens just seem to open after that?" And after this I had a picture of Jesus and I saw him on the cross and he was saying "Father forgive them..." we know the rest of the story here, but he was showing me that it STARTS with forgiveness, and until we are forgiven, until we forgive, we are trapped. I know the obvious of how we are trapped in sin until we are forgiven by God and come to repentance, but what about when we hold unforgiveness towards each other? We too are trapped. My life the last 6 months was me trying to walk as Jesus walked, but I was missing this main factor... one of the greatest aspects to love, and that is forgiveness. I long to love people, I long to love them with a love that Jesus had, and I realize that without walking in forgiveness, even daily if need be, I cannot do a single thing with that "idea" of love.
We all know this familiar verse from 1 Corinthians 13, but last night it was put into an entirely new perspective for me... and I realize that God is love, and we are God's walking representations of that love on this earth... and there is no way that I can say that I am able to even come close to living up to this scripture at this point. God knows I have a long ways to go...
4E)">(E) Love is patient andF)">(F) kind; loveG)">(G) does not envy or boast; itH)">(H) is not arrogant 5or rude. ItI)">(I) does not insist on its own way; itJ)">(J) is not irritable or resentful;b]">[b] 6itK)">(K) does not rejoice at wrongdoing, butL)">(L) rejoices with the truth. 7M)">(M) Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,N)">(N) endures all things.
8Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. 9ForO)">(O) we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10butP)">(P) when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. 11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. 12ForQ)">(Q) now we see in a mirror dimly, butR)">(R) then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even asS)">(S) I have been fully known.