To all the broken: You will survive!

        

"My soul magnifies the Lord! And my spirit rejoices in God my savior, for He has looked upon the humble estate of His servant." 

The words of a poor virgin woman echo throughout eternity, written on the expanse of time because of her devotion to a God she could not yet see. Yet even still, she chose to believe in the good things. He is not a stoic detached God, but an ever near, ever present Father... waiting for the cry of obedience in the dark. 

This Christmas as I read through the story of Jesus in the gospels I am reminded of the simple faithfulness of a mother that survived much to be impregnated with the very savior of the world. The author and finisher of faith. The man that was destined to die from the moment he was born, and still, she chose the good parts! Mary whose reputation was on the line, and I'm certain even her heart was breaking at the prospect of birthing such great risk. Yet even still, she chose to believe in the goodness of God. A son! Prophesied and promised! Yet destined to die. Mary at the foot of the cross, remembering the promise of her first born son... and her eyes meet the cry of the song she sang from the start. "He has helped His servant Israel, in remembrance of His mercy..."

Can you see it now? Can you imagine the pain of Mother for child? The promise taken, yet given. 

Can you identify with mother of Grace? The promise, the impregnation, the gift taken and seemingly erased. Can you feel your broken heart? All the promises you thought God had spoken... only to be taken away. This time of year is like a mirror reflecting in our hearts the last year's trials and triumphs. The failures and... broken promises. Where you thought you might be, and where you're still not. 

This Christmas I challenge and provoke my heart, and your's too, be like Mary and choose the good parts. The simple and the in the moment promises. The eucharisteo gifts that bring thanksgiving to lips. The promises for today... for even tomorrow isn't promised. Today may look bleak and empty, like that field full of snow, but beneath the cold and dark of snow there is LIFE! Even promises tarry, but wait, spring will come. 

Remember in trial, she spoke the words God etched into time... "My soul magnifies the Lord..."

This Christmas remember the Man of Grace that came to fulfill every longing in the hearts of men, through Him... you will survive. 

Keep heart, you will survive.

One night with Molly Brown.

Wide eyed and whining we meet this fur covered yearling of four legs. Her tail wagged sweet when your eyes met hers and you could feel the desperation in the heart of this little orphan. It's strange how the human heart can surge with emotion over a being that could never share a single word with you. 

And so began an evening of grace, trying to find peace in whimpers. Her soft head nuzzled beneath my chin and I could feel her tiny body heave with each breath of safe quiet she could take in. For this tiny ball of grace, peace is found in the heartbeat of one willing to just love her through the night... and so we did. Husband took over midway through the night, and his heart was met strong with emotion for a creature that depended on his hands for food, love and grace. Sleep was far from the ears that could hear the cries of this tiny orphan in the night. And this is when I learned what the Father of Grace was trying to teach me. My heart yearns long as I meditate on truth fighting hard for light.

Tiny grace orphan could never offer us love or words of adoration, and yet we were willing to give her all that our hearts could bear. And our hearts broke in such a vulnerable light when we woke up the next morning. We could not offer this small one everything she needed. Small grace eyes in my lap for the last time makes me realize this truth screaming loud for my heart to hear. 

I can love this tiny orphan of grace, but not love the orphan of grace that the church walks past as she freezes in the cold of neglect all year long. Heart brakes screech as truth awakens my soul. Ouch.

One night with sweet Molly Brown and I can feel my heart as it is groaning for love to come forth from my heart for the fatherless. Tiny grace with wide eyes and tail wagging sweet could never love in the image of the Father, but orphan in darkness brought to life could. Who will I choose to love, and spend nights with eyes wide awake as I comfort the whimpering of the pain of a broken heart? Every two hours strong husband loved tiny grace into darkness, and all I could think was what if we were loving the orphans of the Father's heart into morning light? 

My heart is broken as I am moved by compassion to love after one night with sweet Molly Brown.

I can't breathe! : A runners perspective.

I am almost one whole month strong into changing my life one mile at a time. Each time my foot connects with the earth I feel a deep desire to keep pushing forward surging through me. I love running. 

I hate running.

Part of me keeps putting foot to pavement to prove myself wrong, and the other part is just wishing I could hold on for ten more minutes, ten more seconds! My body hurts, my lungs HURT! My legs hurt! Everything hurts, but its a strange desire to keep pressing on for some prize that others around me can't necessarily see. It's the innate desire to keep going even in the face of adversity. In my case adversity is every ache and pain caused by my own will to just run! So I just kept on runnin'... I can hear the words of Forrest Gump every time I walk out the door with my shoes laced up!

Run Krystle, run!

It's funny how spiritual it all is when you think about it. All the times when Paul talks about running the race, keeping persistent faith... running to attain a goal that most can't see with the naked eye. 

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1, 2 ESV)

Jesus RAN to the Cross if you will and many around him could not see the prize that he was running for. His eyes stayed steadfast on the joy set before him. At the end of the race he won the greatest prize ever. And I was ransomed, redeemed and forgiven! I can only with like-heart commit myself to life. To run the race with endurance, to set my eyes upon the Prize and pursue the faith! Though like my physical body desires to quit, my flesh desires the same. 

Running is never easy, whether it's running for the gold medal in a race with all your friends, or running the race of faith when no one is looking. All that matters is that you keep your eyes on the Prize and keep pressing in to the goal at hand! 

In the meantime I am okay with shortness of breath and a body that hurts! For though my pain is deep my heart is ALIVE!!!

The necessity.

Yearning deep within me is a cry that is rousing the deaf ears of my heart. A cry that says, there has to be more than this. Something more like a mystery hidden around the corner awaiting to be found. It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, and the glory of Kings to search it out. Proverbs 25:2 I realize that I am embarking on a lifelong game of hide and seek with the God of ages. The man Christ that desires the digging, so He hands me a shovel. I am hungry for the concealed matters of His heart.

Something screams loud telling me that the seeking is the greatest place to be found. Blessings to be had and bestowed. Yet, I feel alone in this vast jungle of treasure hunting with Jesus. I feel the necessity of the seeking. To hunt for the hidden glory in my day to day is such a gift. This earth is only the beginning of my searching certainly!

It seems as though I am in this constant state of deeply seeking, it's as though the God of ages always keeps me in places where I HAVE to seek to survive. I was not meant for complacency. My times are in His hands! But, it seems like there is pain and sanctification in the seeking. It blesses my heart to know that when I step into eternity I will no longer have to deal with the pain of affliction or sanctification. There I will be made perfectly whole in Him, and my seeking will be seen in a new light. A light of great desire and a new life definition to constantly stand with the living creatures as I cry HOLY! 

Oh to see for the first time that aspect of God that I have never seen before! Like a million blazing sunsets, or billions of star filled sky's lit by full moon, but with a new seeking, a new seeing. A seeing like I saw it for the first time ever! Do you remember the first time you saw a sunset, and were struck instantly by beauty? Or do you remember your first starry night? Nor do I. Renew my awe oh God! Until I step into fullness with You!