Wednesday, September 8, 2010

To find a friend... to be a friend.

In my Christian walk I have learned something very unfortunate as of late; it is increasingly difficult to find someone in life that will walk beside you (as a friend) and be 100% completely honest in who they are.

I wonder what it was like for Jesus when he was looking those that he would call disciples, and even friends. There was something that he saw in the twelve (even Judas) that led him to believe he could trust them in their character and integrity. Yes, I realize that you might be thinking that I'm crazy for including Judas in that group, but he also walked with Jesus side by side for 3 years before he decided to turn his back on someone that he knew so well, and likewise. It is even harder in these days to find a friend that will stick around for 3 years, let alone 6 months. I wonder what it would be like to be in Jesus' shoes... looking into the eyes of his best friend John... who was THE BELOVED disciple, and say to him, "I have to go, my time here is through... I love you, and I'm going to die for you." Yes, I understood that Jesus died for the redemption of ALL mankind... but imagine John's perspective here in this moment, his BEST friend is choosing to give his life for him. Wow.

My heart is reaching out for some understanding here. I can't begin to comprehend how people can let go, or even forsake relationships in their lives. I have watched quietly as people have walked in... and just as easily walked out. In my attempt to understand this I am left empty and without answers. I honestly know the biblical perspective that there are people for a time and season that walk into your life, and are meant to be there for that long, but I am wondering... aren't there lifelong friends out there? Those that would even take it to the grave? In my heart of hearts I am crying out for Godly fellowship, and I have my one... or two at the least, but I know that there is more. Maybe the more is the relationship that I will find in my future husband... but I am desiring TRUE, REAL relationships now. Fellowship that brings life, not heartache.

I suppose that this all comes back to my thoughts on love... I am supposed to be the walking representation of Jesus on this earth, and if Jesus was fully man and fully God, then he was fully love. I do not know what it's like NOT to love people... I can, not like someone with all my might, but I know that even in my heart I still love them. I do not know how to do it otherwise. Love COVERS all... even all the dislike and feelings of hurt and pain. I am confused... I guess in my naivety, why people would choose tolerance over love. Tolerance says "I'll deal with you here"... love says "I love you too much to leave you here." Jesus, looking down from heaven, said "I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH TO LEAVE YOU HERE!!" So he left heaven. Why is it so hard as Christians to show the same love here on this earth.

Can't you see that I love you too much to leave you here?

Jesus, I'm after YOUR heart. Help me find the answers.

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