My excitement for the week was stifled by three simple words, and I don't know how to, in this moment, figure out where everything is going. It's so funny how we think we have everything figured out, and in a split second every planned moment of the future is changed. Some might say that is the beauty of God in control, but I say that it scares me. My deep rooted fear of God being in control of EVERYTHING has been screaming inside way too loud as of late. I am afraid of giving Him everything, because I'm scared that all my decisions up to now will become null and void.
My conscious mind tells me that I am clearly not making any sense... and I am left thinking that I'm the only christian that's ever walked through this sort of thing in my faith walk. I know I'm not, but why are we so quiet about being real? Why is it so rare to hear that someone is afraid to give God complete control? All I ever hear is that these saints never have any troubles, and life is peachy. Sad thing is, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that is not in the slightest true.
On Thursday I got real. Over coffee and near tears I fought the desire to keep everything hidden, but I chose rather to let it go. I walked away knowing that people do go through these things, and I'm not nearly as insane as I thought I was. My mentor and I talked life together, and I was relieved to know that she's a real person that goes through real life things like I am too. I don't know why, but she helped me breathe a little. And as I said in my last post reminded me to put feet to my dreams. Part of that dream is giving God his control in my life, granted it's already his to begin with.
After thinking about all of this, I wonder if this is the problem with a generation. So often they have been left in control. Their parents have stepped back in most regards, other elders in their lives have stepped back... and basically gave them a ball and told them to do with it what they will. Funny thing is, as much as they like to be in control of everything, they are silently wishing for someone to come show them the way. I wonder if this all started with the latch-key generation... I can't help but think that the devil smirks when he sees a teenager think that they can do life on their own. Sadly without God in control we ultimately fail. Game over. I wonder what this generation would begin to look like if they realized suddenly WHO was in control after all. Is this the concept that one must get? The basic premise of faith?
After all faith in Hebrews 11 constantly speaks how people acted out in faith with the knowledge of who was in control. By faith Moses parted the Red Sea, without knowing God was in control, would have he even attempted the same feat? By faith Abraham offered up Isaac as a sacrifice unto the Lord... to the very point of the dagger hovering over his very flesh and blood, the promise of his inheritance's chest. Would Abraham ever even considered the possibility without first knowing without doubt that God was in control. No, I believe not.
I am just baffled by the obedience, even to death, that some of the characters in the bible went through with because they knew the control of God in their lives. I could go on and on about others doing the same, and I suppose they are just a testimony to the faith that I should have in my God being in control.